There’s no getting away from it, the distractions of smartphone technology mean that building strong relationships in the real world requires ever more attention and meaningful interaction. Unfortunately, however, there are some everyday habits centered around modern-day technologies that can significantly impact the health of any relationship. You might even be in the midst of a relationship affected by this right now. Let’s look at how your smartphone can impact relationships and how to avoid future issues.
Communication is key
It should come as no surprise that communication is key to the success of any relationship – from romantic involvements to platonic friendships. This usually translates into in-person discussions about important topics that might be emotionally charged but are important conversations to have in order to build and maintain trust between partners. When these are repeatedly overlooked, the lack of communication can have a negative impact upon relationship health.
It is important to note here that a lack of communication does not always appear as an absence of communication. Some people might envision giving or receiving the ‘silent treatment’ from their partners as the biggest example of communication breakdown, but the truth can be quite a bit more insidious. Instead of a complete lack of conversation, the absence of quality, uninterrupted discussion can be surprisingly damaging.
Couples surveyed in a recent study by family researcher Brandon McDaniel and Professor of Human Development Sarah Coyne revealed that technology was seen to be an interference to conversations, couple leisure time, and mealtimes with their partners. The research also found that individuals with high levels of ‘technoference’ in their relationships reported a higher dissatisfaction with their relationships, a boost in depressive symptoms, and lower life satisfaction.
Physical presence over digital discussion
One of the biggest offenders when it comes to technoference is the smartphone. Individuals who are using their phones are usually focused quite intently upon what is happening on-screen, taking their attention away from the individuals and events around them. They trade physical companionship for online conversation or diversion and isolate themselves from their partners in the process. This is a problem because, as we’ve discussed above, honest and in-depth communication is vital to building a healthy relationship.
If you want to build stronger bonds with other people, the first step is to put your phone down and interact with them in person. A leading University of North Carolina researcher, Barbara Fredrickson, posits that true intimacy and happiness come from ‘micro-moments’ of positivity. This includes small things such as a short conversation during breakfast, a quick joke between chores, or an unprompted hug throughout the day.
These moments are surprisingly mundane and abundant, but you cannot experience them fully if you are distracted by your phone or other electronic device. Additional research finds that we are happiest when we are present in the moment rather than when our minds are wandering as we mindlessly scroll through our smartphones.
The solution
You know that spending too much time on your phone can be unhealthy and damaging to your relationship, but how exactly do you unplug? This is a surprisingly complex issue, especially if you are accustomed to having your phone in hand for most of the day.
The first step is to recognize that your actions are harming your relationship as well as your health. When you spend too much time online, you weaken your bonds to others as well as to the small things that might bring you happiness. Those micro-moments fly away and you are left with relationships that can be significantly less vibrant as a result.
The most straightforward method to using your phone less often is to simply put it away and refuse to look at it. This can be difficult at first, but you might be surprised at how quickly you reconnect with your loved ones.
You can also try putting the phone down for specific activities such as dinnertime with your family. Don’t just put the phone face down on the table, leave the phone out of sight. If you have it near you, you might find yourself consumed and glancing at the screen to see if you have new alerts. You might also create a schedule that allows you access to your phone in short increments of time. Gamers, you can still play your favorite mobile slots, but you’ll do it responsibly.
This advice applies to other electronics, too. Make a concerted effort to stay off your computer or gaming system for most of the day and replace that time with in-person communication. Disconnecting from technology can be overwhelming, but its benefits far outweigh the momentary difficulty you might experience.
